Bushcraft Humor

Discussion in 'General Bushcraft Discussion' started by Strngwlkr, Dec 2, 2016.

  1. Crusher0032

    Crusher0032 Appalachian Arthfael LB-42 Supporter

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    [​IMG]
    Reminds me of when I first bought a baitcasting reel
     
  2. bladesmith3

    bladesmith3 Supporter Supporter

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    I am hungry enough to eat the ass off a bear. nothing better then a mouth full of bear ass.
     
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  3. backwoodstrails

    backwoodstrails anatidaephobic Supporter Bushcraft Friend

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    Never tried it, must be some kind of delicacy.
     
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  4. bladesmith3

    bladesmith3 Supporter Supporter

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    first you have to find a blond bear. the thin ones seem to taste better. ;)
     
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  5. lowenBhold

    lowenBhold Tracker

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    How many knots does it take to change a light bulb?
     
  6. lowenBhold

    lowenBhold Tracker

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    The funny part is I know many of you are now actually considering which and how many knots it would actually take.
     
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  7. salty dog

    salty dog Supporter Supporter

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    For the life of me I couldn't figure out where the proper place to post this would be, so I'll just leave it here:

    [​IMG]
     
  8. perrymk

    perrymk Supporter Supporter

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    What's the difference between the boy scouts and the army?

    The boy scouts have adult leadership. That's why the army has an infant-ry and not an adult-ry.
    (I spent three years in the army starting with infantry school so hopefully I get a little slack in joking abut it)
     
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  9. jswi2374

    jswi2374 Woods Bum Supporter Bushclass I

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    I guess I mumbled when I told the genie that I wanted to be popular. This is what happened:
    poplar tree.jpg Only a person skilled in tree ID will get it...
     
  10. CowboyJesus

    CowboyJesus Supporter Supporter Bushclass I

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    oh, i wish i was a Populus balsamifera, that is what i really want to be!! lol nice one.
     
  11. jswi2374

    jswi2374 Woods Bum Supporter Bushclass I

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    The caption on the picture said Liriodendron tulipifera but I wouldn't know the difference.
     
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  12. jswi2374

    jswi2374 Woods Bum Supporter Bushclass I

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    I would hope that even those of us not in the Boy Scouts or Army can pass along a funny joke about them.

    Whats the difference between the US Congress and a Kindergarten class?
    The kindergarten class has better supervision and less whining!
    (And I have never taught kindergarten or been a member of Congress)
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2017
  13. jswi2374

    jswi2374 Woods Bum Supporter Bushclass I

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    So I've ben taking these little blue pills for two weeks now and my woodpile is still empty. I don't know what I'm doing wrong...
     
  14. Doubles

    Doubles Guide

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  15. bowitis

    bowitis Supporter Supporter

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  16. bladesmith3

    bladesmith3 Supporter Supporter

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    but bacon does not scream when you set it in a hot skillet. :16:
     
  17. Wasp

    Wasp DOWN IN DIXIE Hobbyist Supporter

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    I would recommend cooking it first. :D
     
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  18. Faiaoga

    Faiaoga Guide

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    How many bushcrafters are needed to change a lightbulb?
    Two : one to hold the bulb and one to pour in the kerosene.
    ;):)
     
  19. Sloany

    Sloany Supporter Supporter

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    Whats the world coming to !
    Spam.jpg
     
  20. Crusher0032

    Crusher0032 Appalachian Arthfael LB-42 Supporter

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    This reminded of me a supply guy I worked with in the military. He was the hairiest guy I've ever met, and loved to aggravate people , especially new soldiers. Just picture a 5 ft 6 inch dude shaped like a hairy basketball. His favorite escapade was to get all soaped up in the shower and then run through the barracks screaming "I'm the human loofah! Who's first?" Soldiers running everywhere trying to get out of the way. It sounds stupid now, but when he did that we would laugh until it hurt. Thought someone might get a giggle out of it.
     
  21. Seacapt.

    Seacapt. Supporter Supporter

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    You forgot to chew on a #1 lead pencil afterwards.
     
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  22. Crusher0032

    Crusher0032 Appalachian Arthfael LB-42 Supporter

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    A Spam can with a knight on the label just screams Monty Python to me
     
  23. MrFixIt

    MrFixIt Old Jarhead LB#42 Supporter Bushcraft Friend Bushclass I

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    [​IMG]
     
  24. Chili

    Chili Guide

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    [​IMG]
     
  25. captbrian

    captbrian Bush League Urbanite

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    Not usually a fan of British humor, er, uh humour... but this one got my funny bone for some reason. ( sorry my British peeps:) )

     
  26. Broke

    Broke I found my hat! LB #1 of 42 Supporter Bushclass I

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  27. Jakuka

    Jakuka Scout

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    IMG_2614.JPG
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2017
  28. Bob_Spr

    Bob_Spr Supporter Supporter

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    Last year after seeing me spend a lot of time watching tv, my wife told me to get a hobby. At Christmas, I told her of my new love of bushcraft. She smiled and said, "I can get behind that.' For my birthday this year, she had 200 feet of shrubs put in and gave me a topiary book with the inscription - 'Now you can 'bushcraft' as much as you want'....
     
  29. Bridgetdaddy

    Bridgetdaddy Supporter Supporter

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    What's the difference in the cub scouts and the army? Cub scouts don't have heavy artillery!!
    Good Morning Vietnam....
     
  30. MrFixIt

    MrFixIt Old Jarhead LB#42 Supporter Bushcraft Friend Bushclass I

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    Bwahahaha!
     
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  31. Guillaume Longval

    Guillaume Longval Friction Fire Addict

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    :18:

    .... Are they edible?

    No joke: just ordered (minutes ago) a bunch of herbs and medicinal/edible plant seeds with the main criteria being: do they look good and have nice flowers so my girlfreind will allow me to put them on the front yard...:54:
     
  32. HP500

    HP500 Guide

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    "Well, there's spam, egg, sausage and spam. That's not got MUCH spam in it...."
     
  33. Tatonka

    Tatonka Young Brave

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    I think we'd be those neighbors.

    tmp_15228-FB_IMG_1489969047227-665399976.jpg
     
  34. Wasp

    Wasp DOWN IN DIXIE Hobbyist Supporter

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  35. Crusher0032

    Crusher0032 Appalachian Arthfael LB-42 Supporter

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    My all-time favorite joke (since we're doing a little military humor in this thread):

    I had an uncle who was a Captain in the Salvation Army. He was great at his job but they fired him after he led a sneak attack on a Goodwill
     
  36. Sloany

    Sloany Supporter Supporter

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    Ladies Bash

    LADIED BASH.jpg
     
  37. MrFixIt

    MrFixIt Old Jarhead LB#42 Supporter Bushcraft Friend Bushclass I

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  38. Sloany

    Sloany Supporter Supporter

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    Hell hath no fury like a woman`s scorn !
    :51:
     
  39. Wasp

    Wasp DOWN IN DIXIE Hobbyist Supporter

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  40. Wasp

    Wasp DOWN IN DIXIE Hobbyist Supporter

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    Made more sense before I posted it....
     
  41. Bitterroot Native

    Bitterroot Native Indigenous Skills Junkie

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    Lol I seen this computer game called "Rust" where you start out naked on a beach and have to run off into the wild and basically do primitive skills to survive. Apparently the hardest part isn't crafting all the survival stuff, it's escaping the beach where you first start. You're basically guaranteed to be bludgeoned to death by hordes of naked men with rocks. Basically a violent version of urban bushcraft haha.
     
  42. Sloany

    Sloany Supporter Supporter

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    ??? ??? ??? :6:
     
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  43. Wasp

    Wasp DOWN IN DIXIE Hobbyist Supporter

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    It was supposed to be a metaphor but it didn't have the effect I expected even on me.:34: SMH

    Lost in translation from brain to finger. :( Sigh
     
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  44. GreenFrog

    GreenFrog In the Forest Supporter Hardwoodsman Bushclass III

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    While on holiday camping she sneaks into my tent unnoticed, gently touching each and every bit of my skin until finding the most desirable place, then starts sucking.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Bloody mosquitoes!!
     
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  45. Wasp

    Wasp DOWN IN DIXIE Hobbyist Supporter

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    Emoticons are evolving:

    [​IMG]
    To=
    [​IMG]
     
  46. Wasp

    Wasp DOWN IN DIXIE Hobbyist Supporter

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  47. NDN8tve

    NDN8tve Tracker

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    I got one better! How about the afterbirth off a bastard rat! That's what we say here in the woods.
     
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  48. longhunter

    longhunter Northman

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    How about eating the south end of a north bound horse ?
     
  49. Wasp

    Wasp DOWN IN DIXIE Hobbyist Supporter

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    That's illegal everywhere but Wisconsin.
     
  50. MrFixIt

    MrFixIt Old Jarhead LB#42 Supporter Bushcraft Friend Bushclass I

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    LOL!
     
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