The review you have all been waiting for has finally landed. Don't worry, I made sure to censor it so nobody gets triggered. I was walking through my local Wally World today, and decided to venture down the clearance aisle. I shuffled through discounts, seeking the deal that would send me home a happy man. I was reaching the end of my journey, merely feet from the automotive section, when I stumbled upon an intriguing item hidden behind some cheap headlamps. It may have been intentionally hidden to spare each passerby the shame of beholding it. Alternatively, it may have been mindlessly shuffled to the back of the shelf by a disgruntled employee whose perpetual purgatory was to organize the chaos that is the WalMart clearance aisle. What was it, you ask? Why, the Gerber/Be@r Gry!!s fire starter, of course. A light shone down from the heavens and illuminated the packaging (or was it shining up from the underworld?), the bold yellow tag slapped carelessly in the center. "$7.00," it read. Nearly 50% off of its common retail price of $12-15. I was stricken with both curiosity and anguish, for I knew the path before me. It was my duty, nay, my destiny, to purchase the trinket and evaluate it. I rushed to the front of the store, hiding the package behind some Oscar Meyer mesquite turkey and avoiding eye contact with the other consumers that filled the establishment. Tonight, in the safety of my home, I removed the product from its packaging and looked it over. A smile crept onto my face even as my brow furrowed. It appeared to be a solid little plastic capsule with a lanyard. However, it bore a dreaded symbol emblazoned in orange: "BG". I examined the item more closely. On one side, it demonstrated the appropriate way to do the YMCA dance in a survival situation. Furthermore, it denoted the standardized alpine rescue signal in a dialect I can only assume is Oreo-based. The flip side contained equally present information. In addition to an SOS signal sequence, the capsule illustrated the proper way to refuse rescue in a survival situation. I presume this is useful for exhibiting one's masculinity or other such display of brutish stubbornness. The adornments were so captivating that I gave them a lingering and affectionate stare before remembering the duty to which I was called. This firestarter must be submitted to rigorous testing! As such, I headed to the foreboding environment of my front porch to test the gadget in the extreme condition of a chilly fall evening with occasional gusts of wind. Now, the merit of a firestarter should never be evaluated with man-made tinders. Surely, a petroleum-soaked cotton ball can be ignited with a careless sneeze or a stray fart. This boldly branded bringer of blazes needed a more suitable opponent. First, I tested its effectiveness in lighting a pile of wood shavings. The wee curls of wood were no match for the shower of sparks generated by the Be@r Gry!!s fire starter. Next, I tried to light cattail fluff. This material makes a great flash tinder as long as you only want it to to burn for 10 milliseconds. A short-lived poof of flame is all you get. Make sure to have your gasoline-soaked rags nearby as backup (foreshadowing). The packaging boasted that the device was "water resistant", so I put that to the test. I filled my extreme survival sink with water and dropped the closed capsule into it. Of course, this is simulating a scenario in which I was skipping along my path in the wilderness, camera man in tow, when my Be@r Gry!!s fire starter fell from my pocket into a puddle. After letting it set for a second, I opened it and inspected the insides. It appeared to be quite dry. I repeated the test, but this time left it submerged for 20 minutes. Of course, this is simulating a scenario in which my Be@r Gry!!s fire starter fell out of my pocket into my hotel toilet, and I had to wait on room service to arrive so I could demand that they remove it for me. Again, after the soak, the insides were quite dry. I did notice a drop of water this time, but it may have dripped in there while I was opening it. At this point, I discovered the hidden secret of the Be@r Gry!!s fire starter. Not only does it snap together to keep your ferro rod dry, but it also has a hidden compartment for dry tinder! This secret compartment also stayed dry during the bath. Unfortunately, the advertised emergency tinder was merely a piece of a cotton ball. No accelerant, no flame extender, no waterproofing. This was a bit disappointing, as a small chunk of a cotton ball will not burn for an extended period of time and is particularly susceptible to water. Oh well. I guess corners have to be cut to be able to afford such a celebrity endorsement. I quickly remedied the problem by stuffing a couple tinder quik tabs in the secret compartment instead. The last feature that must be discussed is the wee survival manual that came in the package. It contains helpful hints about how to be careful when starting a fire with gasoline-soaked rags (seriously) and how sucking moisture out of a fish's eye can be life-saving (seriously). I am a bit perplexed by the latter. I'm not claiming any survival expertise, but in my experience the vast majority of fish come from the water. I can't imaging a situation where catching a fish, removing its eyeball, and sucking on it to glean a bit of water is an easier solution than collecting the water that the fish was swimming in. All jokes aside, I hope there is something you can learn from this review. Here's a serious summary (in my opinion). Pros: 1) Striker works well, and is infinitely more comfortable to use than most little pieces of hacksaw that most other cheap ferro rods come with. 2) Handle of ferro rod is large and grippy for good purchase. 3) As advertised, the fire starter is water resistant when closed. 4) The tinder compartment is really handy. I like it a lot. Cons: 1) Has Be@r Gry!!s initals on it, 2) Unnecessary branding, hype, and survival "tips". 2) The tinder it comes with is lame. All in all, I think this is a pretty good ferro rod. It won't become my go-to fire starter, but there's really nothing wrong with it. The main purpose of this evaluation was to answer the question: are any of the BG survival products actually worth anything? The knives, it seems, are cheap crap. However, this particular item is quite functional. Wanna know the best part? Gerber makes a nearly identical fire starter without the BG branding or other nonsense! Hope you found this as fun as I did!