Time to CUT THE CHEESE for HELGA'S 1000th Post GAW

Discussion in 'General Bushcraft Discussion' started by BetterNotBitterIsSurvival, Apr 10, 2019.

  1. oddjob35

    oddjob35 Scout

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    I am sorry to report that I will not be entering this give away due to a slight mishap in my cheese cutting attempt.

    So I was all prepared with a fresh piece of Imported Irish Cheddar, complete with plastic wrapper removed and then placed on a plate ready for cutting.
    I then proceeded to unsheathe my cutting implement (a My Parang machete) and give the edge a quick strop in preparation.
    I then cleaned off the stropping compound and disinfected the blade by giving it a good wash down with some alcohol (a nice Chablis if you must know).
    I also took a good gulp of said alcohol myself, in order to fortify me for the upcoming exertions.
    My dog was at my feet offering her full support for the exercise and probably hoping to be the beneficiary of any slight off-cuts that I didn't think were perfect slice specimens.
    I then did my impression of the guy whirling his sword in front of Indiana Jones (just before he gets shot by Indy) and swung towards the cheese.
    Now I WAS meaning to stop before the cheese and then continue to Gently slice at the block on the plate. However, just at that moment, said pet dog laying at my feet, saw a bird fluttering on the windowsill outside and immediately went into a frenzied dervish dance, leaping up at me to tell me that she wanted to exit the house and apprehend said feathered intruder. This was what caused my distraction and meant that I did not manage to control my swing quite the way I had planned!
    The end result was a very full dog, as she managed to grab the cheese when it landed on the floor before I could recover enough to realize where the cheese actually was. This was partially because I was a bit more worried about all the plate shrapnel spread across the table and nearby floor and the fact that my parang was buried nearly half an inch deep into the kitchen table.

    So I am hoping that If I don't post pics, It NEVER happened!!

    Regards,

    OJ

    PS. Great idea for a giveaway and has anybody seen/remember the Cheese shop skit done by Monty Python (See it here )


    ETA OOooops … Hope nobody thought that this really happened. Perhaps this post should be moved to the "Liar's Bench"!!! I just couldn't resist the tongue in cheek response. Sorry for derailing a great thread.
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2019
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  2. bacpacjac

    bacpacjac Queen of the Cups Supporter Bushclass I

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    OH NO! THE CHEESE!!! Lucky dog. Hopefully none of the shrapnel ended up in anyone. I hope you wife does't get a hold of your parang before you fix the table.
     
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  3. bacpacjac

    bacpacjac Queen of the Cups Supporter Bushclass I

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    OH NO!! I'm hope you're feeling better soon, Punty. I'm (hopefully) at the tail end of one. Nasty year for it, this year.
     
  4. bacpacjac

    bacpacjac Queen of the Cups Supporter Bushclass I

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    P4130870.JPG

    More cheese has been procured. Potatoes, oil, and gravy mix too. :D Hmmm... what kind of potatoes to make???
     
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  5. riverjoe

    riverjoe Supporter Supporter

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    No cheese in the house and we’ve used up all the food stamps .
    Had to go down to the river and get this beauty . Cutting that prehistoric armor is no easy task .
    Lucky I had my Ontario Machete that I used to carry on long range patrol up near the DMZ

    [​IMG]
     
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  6. gohammergo

    gohammergo I like sharp things.... Supporter Bushcraft Friend

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    Hey, wait a minute...

    You live by the river.
    You have a van.

    How can you not have any government cheese?
     
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  7. riverjoe

    riverjoe Supporter Supporter

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    You know I been meaning to check on that . My parents always had government cheese around .

    I think I just need a little motivation

     
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2019 at 12:48 AM
  8. gohammergo

    gohammergo I like sharp things.... Supporter Bushcraft Friend

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    When I was a lad, our neighbor used to give us her government cheese. I think she got something like 10 pounds a month? Some godawful amount. She used to give us a 5 pound block when she had too much. Made the best grilled cheese ever! :)
     
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  9. riverjoe

    riverjoe Supporter Supporter

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    I don’t think you had to do anything special
    To qualify . That block was huge about the size of a big
    Loaf of bread .
     
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  10. Beach Hiker

    Beach Hiker LB #42 Supporter Bushcraft Friend

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    Please help further my sorry Canadian education.... what is government cheese??
    ( I've heard of cheesy governments, and governments that smell like rotten cheese, but never government cheese).
     
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  11. gohammergo

    gohammergo I like sharp things.... Supporter Bushcraft Friend

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    My understanding is that the government would buy surplus milk from the farmers and have it made into a cheese block. They also bought vegetables and canned them. It was some kind of program to help farmers and the general populace. I don't remember too much about it, and I don't know how you got it, but our neighbor would go twice a month and come back with 2-3 boxes of canned goods, cheese, and butter. I think most of it was given away by her.
     
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  12. ExAF1N1

    ExAF1N1 LB-42 Purveyor of sharps and savory burnables. Supporter

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    Government cheese, it is legion!

    Mac and cheese, grilled cheese, plain on crackers...

    This is to cheese what spam is to meat. Use it 1000 ways... Up here in the northern great plains, my grandma called it "yellow gold", having lived through the depression.

    Commodity cheese, is the formal name I believe. I've had it some, and once upon a time I scored about 20lbs of commodity cornmeal. Not our usual fare up here, but we ate a lot of cornbread for a while. My mom still loves some good cornbread and makes it well in my estimation.

    My mom and other family members also appreciate some hominy too, for the same reasons. I'd rather have hominy for breakfast than grits, given my pick. Heck, with a little syrup, I'd take hominy over oatmeal for breakfast hands down.

    Which is saying a lot, this is wheat and sauerkraut country. Or lutefisk, take your pick.

    Sorry to derail. Back to...

    CUTTING THE CHEESE!
     
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2019 at 4:38 AM
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  13. riverjoe

    riverjoe Supporter Supporter

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    I think you just had to show up in order to qualify . My parents who were not really poor , although they lived like they were after they retired , would get it all the time .
     
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  14. marbleman

    marbleman Supporter Supporter

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    Here's the history of Government Cheese, it's a USA thing.
     
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  15. ExAF1N1

    ExAF1N1 LB-42 Purveyor of sharps and savory burnables. Supporter

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  16. gohammergo

    gohammergo I like sharp things.... Supporter Bushcraft Friend

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    @ExAF1N1 , yes. Commodity cheese! That's the name I was after. :)
     
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  17. BalsamFur

    BalsamFur Not a duck Supporter

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    I had to cut some really smelly cheese today, and waited all day for the rain to stop. There was no way I was cutting this cheese in the house.
    Having some tools handy in the trunk of my car, I opted to cut this feta cheese with a small carpenter's saw.
    0414191739~2.jpg
    I would not reccomend this. It was a bad idea. Feta cheese should never be cut, but rather pinched off a little at a time. Now I have to clean my saw.
    0414191741.jpg

    Mozzarella, on the other hand, has a mild aroma and a moist, meaty texture. This is a cheese that can be cut indoors to the enjoyment of all present.
    I cut the cheese with a shovel.
    0414191745~2.jpg
    When cutting the cheese with a Cold Steel Russian Special Forces Shovel, it is important to get a good grip. Carelessly cutting the cheese could lead to a mess.
    0414191746.jpg
    I would certainly recommend that anyone needing to cut the cheese with a shovel do so as soon as possible.
     
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  18. gohammergo

    gohammergo I like sharp things.... Supporter Bushcraft Friend

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    You did end up with some nice feta crumbles though, so all is not lost. :) And I think maybe the saw has a nice coating on it now, which will protect and lubricate the blade for future use.

    I think you did a superb job..:)
     
  19. riverjoe

    riverjoe Supporter Supporter

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    I came home one night and caught my parents sharing a jar of Limberger . Talk about rank it is as if a bull mastiff had taken a dump in your kitchen . I could never think of them the same after that .
     
  20. Oni

    Oni Scout

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    I’m not sure pinching it off while cutting the cheese is a good thing...

    Is that a technique for mixed company?
     
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  21. BalsamFur

    BalsamFur Not a duck Supporter

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    Feta pinching is never safe for mixed company. It is best done with those known to live dangerously .
     
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  22. Kelly W

    Kelly W Love the Axe Hobbyist Supporter

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    I'm sensing some degradation of this thread. Directly related to the topic of discussion. Funny as heck though :)
     
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  23. kronin323

    kronin323 the barbarian Supporter

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    Gotta love free cheese...
     
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  24. bacpacjac

    bacpacjac Queen of the Cups Supporter Bushclass I

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    I can't stop thinking about cheese!! :D On our way from grocery shopping yesterday, we drove past a fry truck and it gave me a wonderful idea about what to do with the cheese I bought on Saturday!

    P4130870.JPG

    Smoked Cheddar and Smoked Gouda cut with a Mora 511 from @MrFixIt.

    P4140873.JPG

    Cheese curds cut with an RW fire steel knife from @Woods Walker.

    P4140875.JPG

    Fresh oven baked fries.

    P4140876.JPG

    Homemade gravy.

    P4140877.JPG

    MMM.... Poutine!! YUM!

    P4140881.JPG
     
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  25. dirt7

    dirt7 Supporter Supporter

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    20190415_094246.jpg

    I felt exotic this morning and decided to use my Swiss Army Knife to cut the cheese today. I really liked using this knife for cutting the cheese as it has several tools that makes cutting cheese more enjoyable. While I used the larger blade to slice through the cheese, I could have used the corkscrew to open a nice bottle of wine but they frown on that here in the workplace. When I was finished cutting the cheese I ate it, and used the supplied toothpick to remove the little chunks that were left behind from cutting the cheese. I could have used the tweezers to remove any chunks from cutting the cheese, but the toothpick was just more effective.

    20190415_094403.jpg

    My goal with cutting the cheese today was to see just how thin I could cut it. I work for a large manufacturing company so I wanted to run some tests and see how reliably I could thinly cut the cheese.

    My first attempt came out to .039". Not bad, but I know I could do better (All measurement instruments are calibrated to an NIST standard and records are available by request)

    My second attempt came out to .0175. The biggest issue I had to overcome with measurements of cut cheese was adhesion of the cheese to the blade, as we all know sometimes things get sticky when you are cutting the cheese. I would imagine with an even thinner blade and harder cheese I could do better.

    20190415_094459.jpg
     
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  26. gohammergo

    gohammergo I like sharp things.... Supporter Bushcraft Friend

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    Why do posts like this show up when I am so hungry? No supper last night, no breakfast, and now this? :)

    Going to have to stop somewhere on the way to work and grab some grub. :)
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2019 at 11:50 AM
  27. dirt7

    dirt7 Supporter Supporter

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    You gouda had a snack somewhere in there.
     
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  28. Beyond the Firelight

    Beyond the Firelight Supporter Supporter

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    My only regret in life is that I couldn't "like" this twice.
     
  29. gohammergo

    gohammergo I like sharp things.... Supporter Bushcraft Friend

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    Cinnamon rolls and coffee will set me up for the day. :)
     
  30. bacpacjac

    bacpacjac Queen of the Cups Supporter Bushclass I

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    mmmm!!! LOVE cinnamon rolls!!
     
  31. bacpacjac

    bacpacjac Queen of the Cups Supporter Bushclass I

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    Extra special BUMP because this is a most excellent GAW and SO MUCH FUN!!! AND because I am an idiot!



    Hey, Helga! I put me on the wrong list. DOH!! I really can read! I am in Canada and I thought I was automatically disqualified if I didn't say NOT IN. LOL!! I'm just playing along because I LOVE CHEESE and BCUSA!!! I got a little blurry eyed when I saw those gorgeous knives. Sorry for any confusion!

    If I've given false hope to any other Canadians or international members, come on over, pull up a camp stool, and have some poutine with me! :D
     
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  32. BetterNotBitterIsSurvival

    BetterNotBitterIsSurvival LB #42 Supporter

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    Thanks, @bacpacjac! I was actually thinking just maybe...and hoping you had PO box or something right across the border and that's why you were IN. I assumed there was an explanation. And nobody here, but especially me, thinks you're idiot! You do too many awesome things and share so much cool stuff for that to be the case. Plus, there is no way an idiot could cut the cheese with as much finesse and style as you! Thanks for playing along...and I hope you will continue to cut the cheese just for the fun of it and so we can all enjoy it with you!

    xoxo~Helga
     
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  33. Barry J

    Barry J Guide

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    Come to Wisconsin and smell our dairy-air.
     
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  34. bacpacjac

    bacpacjac Queen of the Cups Supporter Bushclass I

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    Thanks for understanding, Helga. I blame the children. HAHAH!!! More cheese will be cut soon!! :D
     
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  35. BetterNotBitterIsSurvival

    BetterNotBitterIsSurvival LB #42 Supporter

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    That's music to my ears! I am so relieved that this little mix up didn't make it where you no longer wanted to cut the cheese ever again or you just couldn't anymore. That would be so wrong! Do they have therapists for that? I am sure they do...they have therapists for everything and not being able cut the cheese is not something to which you just turn your nose up about!

    Now...as for you @gohammergo, what is this about cinnamon rolls? NO, NO, NO...you should be having cheese danishes to stay in the spirit of things around here!

    And then we have donuts...particularly these donuts that will be included in the GAW!
    Paracord Donuts.jpeg
    These are paracord donuts each one having a little over 25' of paracord for a total of 125' of paracord for the winner of the GAW! The colors were selected to work nicely with the orange Mora Bushcraft and the blue Eldris.

    These are the patterns of the paracord so you can see them better than when tied into a donut!
    550-paracord-lightning-made-in-usa.jpg 550-paracord-bronco-made-in-usa.jpg 550-paracord-wild-fire-made-in-usa.jpg 550-paracord-fire-ice-made-in-usa.jpg 550-paracord-tsunami-made-in-usa.jpg

    ~Helga
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2019 at 4:29 PM
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  36. gohammergo

    gohammergo I like sharp things.... Supporter Bushcraft Friend

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    @BetterNotBitterIsSurvival , I did pick up some cheddar and beef sausage sticks for lunch.

    But, uh, I, uh, well....they looked really good, and I ate them as soon as I got to work...:oops:

    :)
     
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  37. gohammergo

    gohammergo I like sharp things.... Supporter Bushcraft Friend

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    Some entertainment to watch whilst cutting thy cheese! :)
     
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  38. Barry J

    Barry J Guide

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    Are you on a diet? Trying to get "shredded"?
    Sorry. Cheese humor. However, German sausage jokes are the wurst. :17:
     
  39. bacpacjac

    bacpacjac Queen of the Cups Supporter Bushclass I

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    CHILD LABOUR ALERT!!!

    2 year old Hudson wanted mac n cheese today so I made him cut his own cheese. A boy needs to learn to cut the cheese, and we start 'em young around here! He used this chopper thing to cut the cheese and, since he didn't cut off any fingers or draw any blood, I recommend using this to cut the cheese!

    P4150873.JPG
     
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  40. MrFixIt

    MrFixIt Old Jarhead LB#42 Supporter Bushcraft Friend

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    I now have my block of cheese.
    Please forgive the extended wait for the medieval cutting of the cheese.
    My sister-in-law is staying with us since she broke her knee cap in half (yes, broke her knee cap in half!) and most of my off time has been devoted to taking up the slack around the house.
    My wife has been quite busy playing nurse.
     
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  41. Indianaboy

    Indianaboy Noobie Supporter

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    034123C8-F136-45B0-9713-36C8B8FD481E.jpeg 3D9A47D0-B234-4CD7-9173-206FF588BC89.jpeg Here is my feeble attempt at cutting some cheese to have with my chicken and dumplings.
    Using a Buck “Rambo Wannabe” that I purchased right after the first Rambo movie came out. It was my first fixed blade knife, I always had folders back then.
    I wouldn’t recommend using this knife to cut the cheese, definitely sharp enough but way too thick. I would say it was fun until I nicked my finger cleaning the cheese off the blade. Live and Learn I guess.
     
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  42. gohammergo

    gohammergo I like sharp things.... Supporter Bushcraft Friend

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    I read this at first as children and dumplings, and I was thinking that maybe this was getting out of hand. :18::18::18:

    That's a handsome knife. :)
     
  43. Indianaboy

    Indianaboy Noobie Supporter

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    Lol.
    My wife wouldn’t allow that. Lol
    Thanks for the kudos on the knife, had to look for it, hadn’t seen it in a while. I was a lot younger, Rambo was cool in 82, Buck jumped right on that bandwagon and I had to have one. As I got older I seen that those kind of knives were kinda looked down upon, so it has set stored away. I don’t think I have ever even taken the stuff outta the handle.
     
  44. kronin323

    kronin323 the barbarian Supporter

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    Cutting the cheese knows no borders.
     
  45. gohammergo

    gohammergo I like sharp things.... Supporter Bushcraft Friend

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    If you ever want to pass that down the line, I might just have something that you would like better. ;)
     
  46. Beach Hiker

    Beach Hiker LB #42 Supporter Bushcraft Friend

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    I have to ask.... how does one do that?
     
  47. riverjoe

    riverjoe Supporter Supporter

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    Cheese story .

    I was driving around in the country up in the extreme Nort east corner of Indiana . Very rural up there .
    There was an old ramshackle building , no paint on it and old tin signs nailed all over it .
    It only set about 10 feet off the road . One of the few blacktops up that away .
    Wasn’t sure if maybe I was in Michigan . Anyway there were a few canned goods on the shelves and a little old man had to be in his 80
    Or 90s behind an old counter . I doubt if he weighed much more than a hundred pounds .There was a huge wheel of cheese setting on the counter with a matching huge glass dome over it . That thing had to be a good 20 inches in diameter and it had a rope that ran up to the ceiling off it .
    I was trying to figure out what the heck that rope did when two of shabbiest dirtiest Amish kids I ever saw walked in barefoot . They mumbled something to the old man and he picked up the glass dome off that cheese like it was a feather and down came a bunch of window weights tied to the other end of that rope .
    Someone had rigged up a pulley system
    To that glass dome so
    that little old man could pick
    It up . It was about 90 degrees out and the old man cut off a five pound wedge of that warm cheese with almost no effort and handed it to the kids . They took off with no money changing hands and ran out the door .
    I said to myself “ welcome to
    1890 Joe .
     
  48. riverjoe

    riverjoe Supporter Supporter

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    Great just what I need this time of night . Had to go get me a big hunk of private sector cheese .
     
  49. kronin323

    kronin323 the barbarian Supporter

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    But, what knife did he use to cut the cheese?
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2019 at 2:28 AM
  50. MrFixIt

    MrFixIt Old Jarhead LB#42 Supporter Bushcraft Friend

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    She fell directly down onto it on concrete flooring.
     

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