Giveaway: USAF Survival Handbook


Antig

Antig

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I have a very good condition US Air Force Survival Handbook printed in 2008


Winner will be chosen on the 19th. You are eligible even if you are in my other giveaways.

Ground Rules:

-Must be a BCUSA supporter before the 19th
-Must be in the US; HI, AK ok.
-Must reply with "I'm in" and tell me the funniest joke or silliest thing you've ever heard :18:
 
I'm in thanks antig, ok now time for the funny.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. Holmes said: “Watson, look up and tell me what you see”.

Watson said: “I see a fantastic panorama of countless stars”.

Holmes: “And what does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a moment: “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.”

“Why? – What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes was silent for a moment then spoke: “Someone has stolen our tent
 
Alright, I'm in......

Been trying to be good with the holiday and all.....

I would like to relate an experience about drinking and driving.

As you well know, over the years some of us have been known to have
had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social
session. This past weekend I was at a said 'social session' with some
friends and had a few too many of whatever was being served, as well
as some rather nice cabernet.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did
something I've never done before - I took a bus home. I arrived home
safely and without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have
never driven a bus before and am not even sure where I got it.
 
Not in...already have a 64-4. but thanks for doing this, one of the best books out there.
 
I'm in.
knock knock....
who's there?
bananna.
bananna who?
knock knock....
who's there?
bananna.
bananna who?
knock knock....
who's there?
bananna.
bananna who?
knock knock....
who's there?
orange.
orange who?
orange you glad I didn't say bananna!

Sorry, 3 year old Grandsons favorite joke. Never seen it written down before.
Funnier when he tells it, Donk.
 
I'm in.

thank you.

edit:

A New England farmer was out plowing one day, when a big Cadillac drove up the road next to the farmer's field. It had a huge set of horns on the front. The farmer stopped his tractor and began talking to the driver, who turned out to be rancher, up from Texas, visiting New England for the first time. They got to talking about things, and the rancher asked the farmer how much land he owned. The farmer pointed up the hill to the corner of his field, down the stone fence, across the road, down along the creek at the bottom, across the yard where his house and barn were, up the hill again, and across to where he'd started, explaining the landmarks that encompassed his 100 acre farm. The rancher said "Well, at my place in Texas, I can get in my truck at 6am, drive along the edge of my property, and barely make it home again by 6 pm." The New Englander nodded thoughtfully and said "Ayup... I had a truck like that too once... but I got rid of it!"

Thanks for the heads up Antig. I'm in!
 
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I'm in


And here is my joke:

A true story from the pages of the Manchester Evening News . . .

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned
over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to
get his attention.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up
over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking
driver said "are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of
me."
The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't
realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my
fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab.
I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."
 
Im in!

Lets see here...Well to some of my friends (City People) this the funniest thing they have ever heard:

A website where people talk about going outside and they trade sticks and rocks... To them my nickname is "Caveman" LOL
 
im in
thank you

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting,
'13....13....13.'


The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.....


Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick!

Then they all started shouting
'14....14....14'
 
I'm in. Thx!

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel attached to the front of his breeches.
The bartender does a double take and demands, "What the hell is that ship's wheel for?"
The pirate says, "I don't know, but it's drivin' me nuts!"
 
Guys walks into his doctor's office with a duck on his head. The doctor asks, "how can I help you?". The duck says "can you get this guy off my a**!"

Ha!!!!

I am in
 
Young Swedish couple Sven and Olga get married and are on their Honey Moon

Sven is taking off his shoes and Olga says "Oh mine Got Sven! Vat happened to your feet?!"

Sven says, "When I was a small child I had Toelio"
Olga says. "No you mean Polio"
Sven says " No I had Tolio"

Sven takes of his britches and Olga exclaims "Oh mine Got Sven! Vat happened to your legs?!!

Sven says "When I was small child I had kneesels"
Olga says " No Sven, you mean Measels"
Sven says "No I had kneesels"

Sven takes off his skivies and Olga shouts "Oh mine Got Sven, dont tell me, small cox!!"

I'm in
 
I'm in, thanks. The funniest thing I've ever heard would have to be the results of our last presidential election.

Hope that counts :) if not, I'll think of something else :54:
 
I'm in... one of the funniest thing that I ever heard was when my daughter gave my land lord a drawing... it was a circle with eyes and a smiley face with like twenty smaller circles.... he asked her what the picture was and she said.... it's you with all the babies in your tummy...... when he said that he didn't have any babies in his tummy.... she said ...oh then why are you so big?

I turned like three shades of red.... she is obsessed with people who have weight issues.... I am constantly having to have a discussion with her about talking about peoples sizes.... there was another time that went something like this...

big guy comes out of the pool with no shirt... my daughter asks "are you a girl? he says no... she asks ... how come you have boobs?

there was this other time my daughter called a guy a girl... it went like this...

we are standing in line at the restraunt.. my daughter says to the guy... are you a girl?.... the guy says no.... my daughter said..... then why are you wearing pink ?... I tell her to leave her to leave him alone he can wear what he wants.... my daughter says in a very loud voice ....that's a girl! boys don't wear pink Mommy.... the elderly people behind us could not control thier laughter

you remember that curse that parent put on their children? the one where they say to you I hope you have a child just like you..... yep that curse works...
 
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I'm in

Southern girl gets married on her honeymoon she calls her mom and says "mom he's got hair on his chest"

Her mother says "he's a man honey he will have hair on his chest that's perfectly normal honey"

She calls her mom back later and says mom he smells funny" mom says" men work hard, so they will have smells at times thats perfectly normal honey"

The Southern girl sees he's missing all his toes on one of his feet and has to call her mom sure this is a worthy reason.

Her mother answers the phone and her daughter explains
"MOM, He's only got a foot & 1/2 !!"
The mom says "Oh'my I will be right over!"
 
Lucky #10 happysidd!, you are the winner!

Thanks to everyone who has participated, I knew this was a good idea--very hilarious.
 
thank you so very much. it is very appreciated and will be put to good use here in my house and with family and friends.
 
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