We had another trip to Chinamart (citified types refer to that place being labeled after its founder from Arkansas). On the way wife remarked she had to look @ lingerie which she would do while I went to the sports counter to look @ ammo or something. She cleared her throat & really emphasized the part in italics. Looking @ the meager stock of ammo didn't take long... or according to little wife 'Not long enough!' So, I wandered back to help her since she appreciates help lifting heavy things like milk jugs & flour, I could be of use lifting little old things like undies, right? When I picked out a size 82 DDDDDDD cup bra & hollered out "Is this one big enough Dear?" my little 5'7" 120 lb. spouse lost her sense of humor for some reason! 
It didn't seem to help when I suggested that ultra king-sized contraption could serve as a double backpack even when I tried to demonstrate its use first on her then on me. So, to counteract my miscalculation I picked a up a size 8 - - -A cup from the little girls' section & yelled out "Is this mini bra tiny enough to fit you Dear?" She started throwing things! 
(good thing we weren't near the kitchen knives or rolling pins!). Apparently, bras wasn't what she wanted so being the helpful hubby I am I held up blaze orange size 98 granny panties w/ the same questions as before... would you believe she got even more irate? The camouflaged tiny bikini I suggested no one could tell if she was wearing or not didn't go over well either. She snarled something to the effect of if I started waving thongs or something around next, she'd modify me, so I'd find ladies wear fit better than men's undies! Things got a little confusing about then w/ me dodging to avoid flying objects behind applauding onlookers & laughing clerks (even the zombies employed there can be woke up a bit w/ encouragement). It's hard to dodge a vicious attack when you're old, crippled & laughing out loud but I made it out to the truck w/ minimal injuries. Did you ever notice when a redhead gets really upset her hair almost looks like it caught fire? Interesting. The Chinamart help didn't seem to mind me livening things up a bit but, on the way home little wife informed me I'm not allowed beyond the parking lot ever again! She didn't even notice (or @ least didn't comment) on the glow sticks I put in the underwear she picked out so the checkout clerks would see them better. Nice, quiet & peaceful here on the Injunbro rancheria tonight, even sleeping in the barn. I might try sneaking back in the house for breakfast... never wanted to die of old age anyway.
It didn't seem to help when I suggested that ultra king-sized contraption could serve as a double backpack even when I tried to demonstrate its use first on her then on me. So, to counteract my miscalculation I picked a up a size 8 - - -A cup from the little girls' section & yelled out "Is this mini bra tiny enough to fit you Dear?" She started throwing things! (good thing we weren't near the kitchen knives or rolling pins!). Apparently, bras wasn't what she wanted so being the helpful hubby I am I held up blaze orange size 98 granny panties w/ the same questions as before... would you believe she got even more irate? The camouflaged tiny bikini I suggested no one could tell if she was wearing or not didn't go over well either. She snarled something to the effect of if I started waving thongs or something around next, she'd modify me, so I'd find ladies wear fit better than men's undies! Things got a little confusing about then w/ me dodging to avoid flying objects behind applauding onlookers & laughing clerks (even the zombies employed there can be woke up a bit w/ encouragement). It's hard to dodge a vicious attack when you're old, crippled & laughing out loud but I made it out to the truck w/ minimal injuries. Did you ever notice when a redhead gets really upset her hair almost looks like it caught fire? Interesting. The Chinamart help didn't seem to mind me livening things up a bit but, on the way home little wife informed me I'm not allowed beyond the parking lot ever again! She didn't even notice (or @ least didn't comment) on the glow sticks I put in the underwear she picked out so the checkout clerks would see them better. Nice, quiet & peaceful here on the Injunbro rancheria tonight, even sleeping in the barn. I might try sneaking back in the house for breakfast... never wanted to die of old age anyway.
